1 Corinthians 13:11-12:
11 When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things. 12 For now we see through a glass darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.

I have often thought about these biblical verses and how they apply to my life.

I have been reading a book by Don H. Staheli called "It's the Principle of the Thing."   The author recalled his ninth grade introduction to gymnastics:

   One day, the coaches decided to see who would really go for it on the high bar. All the students and a few coaches crowded around the bar and the floor-softening mats. One boy began swinging back and forth, higher and higher to build his momentum, with the idea in mind of letting goat just the right moment on the upswing and rolling in the air in a flip before landing on the mat--hopefully, feet first. Few had the courage to even attempt such a death-defying feat.

  When the coach looked my way and motioned for me to grab the bar and start swinging, I eagerly jumped to the task. A little spit, a cloud of chalk dust on my hands, and up to the bar I leapt. Now swinging, now gaining some speed and height, it was time to attempt a flip off the bar.

   To my surprise, I couldn't let go. The more I determined to cast my body to the wind, to challenge the forces of gravity, to avoid the humiliation of failure, the tighter became my grasp on that cold steel bar.

   "Let go," cried the coach. "Now!" he yelled.

   "You can do it!" screamed my classmates in futile support. But the more they coaxed, the firmer my grip became.

   Finally, dropping to the ground in defeat, I looked up at that bar and pronounced it a demon. Of course, I couldn't let go. I wanted to. I wasn't afraid, but it had in its evil clutches. It conquered us all day. Not a boy who tried was able to wrest himself free of the monster bar. Not one of us soared. Not a flip was performed. It beat every one of us. 

In the last few years, I have had to come to a realization myself that I need to learn to "let go." Let go of what you might ask? How about that bar that I see as safety, but really is just my insecurities and past failures. There is a different bar I could grip to REALLY help myself. It's the "iron rod" spoken of by Father Lehi.  This piece of metal differs from the first one in that it helps us move ahead, straight toward our goal of eternal life, not trapping us in the past, like that first bar. That first bar, representing our demons, tries to keep us attached to the false security of doubts and fears. However, when we let go of it, the Lord is waiting right there to catch us in His Everlasting Arms.

So, enough with all these metaphors. How does this REALLY WORK IN MY LIFE??? Well, I have to admit that it hasn't always been a linear process. Sometimes I find myself going back to the supposed "safety" of my doubts and fears. You see, if I don't try, I won't fail. (Wrong, of course.) But I do keep trying to overcome my past failures by remembering my past successes. And, yes, I have had success. When I was 18 I stepped out into the black nothingness of moving 1100 miles from everything I knew and all with which I felt secure to living in a new state with no friends or family. I even decided to jump into a new religion, a new way of life of which I had little knowledge. Why did I take such a big risk to possibly be humiliated by failure? Well, I had prayed about my decision and the Holy Ghost had confirmed to my mind that I was indeed making the right decision. But, as I have gotten older and have had a lot more failures in my life, I have become more fearful of jumping into the seeming abyss without a net. But am I ever really doing that if I have prayed about my decision and have had the Spirit witness to me its correctness? I am finding that the only time in life I have failed is when I have let my insecurities hold me back from being proactive in life. So often, by not being decisive, I have just gone with the current of the river of life, letting it bring me wherever it may. The problem with this tact is that I don't always like where I have landed. It hasn't always been on the soft sandy shore, but rather on the rocks.

Well, what I'm trying to say is this: I am trying to overcome my doubts and failures and move on in my life by trying to see myself as my Savior sees me: a capable and confident woman with all the tools I need to really succeed. After all, long ago, didn't I choose to jump into this mortal life with my eyes closed, placing a veil of forgetfulness between me and all that I had ever known?

As I have been losing weight, I have to keep telling myself that my past diet failures have nothing to do with my efforts at this time in my life. After all, I am no longer a "child." I have learned too much through the adversity I have muddled through in the last four or five years. I can succeed with Heavenly Father's help. I have also learned that there are many of my friends and family who have passed away to the other side of the veil who are rooting for me..not to speak of those family and friends on this side of the veil. So, with all this help and encouragement, I have enough of a safety net to actually jump. After all, like Miranda Lambert says in one of her songs, "How can you know if you can fly if you don't jump?"  I also like Mary Chapin Carpenter's lyrics that say, "Why walk when you can fly?"