A Christmas Miracle

I have been remembering a Christmas-time miracle that happened to me two years ago. On that cold December night, I was driving home from a friend's, thinking about how discouraged I felt about being unemployed. Two blocks from home, I saw red lights flashing in my rear view mirror. As I pulled over, I thought about my long expired plates I still hadn't taken care of yet. But how could I pay the taxes and fees with no money? As the policeman wrote out the ticket (after informing me that he could impound my car if he wanted to) I just said a silent prayer to Heavenly Father that begged Him to find a way for me to pay for the registration fees and now another $45 for this ticket. I cried as I drove home, but I had just left the matter in His hands, since I couldn't think of a way to solve it. As I walked down the steps to my basement apartment, I could see something on my doorstep. I had been getting the Twelve Days of Christmas, mostly candy and small, sweet trinkets. I couldn't see what this item was, but it was too heavy to pick up with my one free hand. I opened the door and came back for what turned out to be a large jar. As I brought it into the light, I could see it was completely full of change! I went back to my bedroom and dumped the jar's contents on my bed. The coins fell out all over my bed, along with a $100 bill! I counted the money and it was over $230...enough to pay my car taxes and the ticket. Tears flowed as I realized that this was an immediate answer to my prayer. 

I've had a lot of time in the last five months of being unemployed (again) to reflect upon that lesson I learned. I sometimes start feeling some sort of guilt for not being more worried about my circumstances. This is the longest I have been unemployed. Every time I turn on the news, I hear about how the economy in turning around and that Utah has the lowest unemployment in the country. So why can't I find work? I feel more confused than depressed.  Despite my sad financial situation, I have grown closer to the Savior and become a better disciple. He has put people in my life to strengthen me, people that I feel privaleged to know and that I would never have met if I hadn't been through the adversity I have had in my life in the last five years. My heart has softened; I don't see the world as black and white as I used to. And I am trying to see myself more like the Savior does. I am beginning to believe that I can be worthy of some of those blessings that I never thought I could have in this life, like good friends, a thinner body, health, a good job....and maybe even a husband. Although, I still am having some wavering doubts that a man has ever been born that could put up with me for more than a couple of hours, let alone eternity. But, as they say, hope springs eternal. But that's another blog for another time...